When All Else Fails

In these very tumultuous and seemingly uncertain times it is very easy for us to feel overwhelmed and even paralyzed with the demands of our personal and professional lives. With the steady diet of bad news coming in about the war in the Middle East, loss of America’s high morale standing in the world and tanking economy, many of us are feeling at a loss as to how to put it into context.

“Thy sea is so vast and my boat is so small.” - A Sailor’s Prayer

As I was thinking about how to address these issues, my first impulse was to play it safe and discuss the topics that pervade the business books on the current best seller list: identifying the problem, establishing priorities, creating accountability, setting goals, making a plan, committing to action and getting results. As effective as these approaches can be in everyday business, they seem a bit trite relative to what is going on in our world.

Reviewing these topics without addressing the daunting personal issues at hand would be like fishing for minnows while ignoring the fact that we’re standing on a whale. The whale that needs to be addressed is how do we anchor ourselves in an ocean of chaos and heartbreak? What is it that we are to hold onto when all around us seems so out of control and unthinkable? The answer that kept coming to me as I pondered this question was not from any of the business publications or nationally known consultants, but from St. Paul in one of his letters to the Corinthians:

“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

FAITH
Faith is an expression of our most deeply held beliefs. This type of faith is often highly personal and unique to our spiritual tradition. I would like to acknowledge this fact by leaving it to the reader to determine how to best honor and express that faith in a way that adds rich meaning to their life.

What I would like to address is the everyday aspects of faith. In addition to having faith in a supreme being or the divine, is it possible to have faith in our family, community and humanity? I believe the answer to this question is a resounding “yes.” Faith becomes a powerful and dynamic force in our lives when we express it. A faith that is not expressed is simply an idea, and an idle one at that.

Some of the most powerful words in the English language are “I believe in you,” “ I trust you,” and “I have faith in you.” Do you have faith in your significant other? Express it; tell them you believe in them and watch as they delight in these words. Do you have a faith in your children? Express it; tell them you believe in them and watch them light up. Do you have faith in your employees? Express it; tell them how much you believe in them and appreciate the work they do. Watch as they respond in way to make your belief in them justified.

We simply do not want to let down those people who believe in us. We may assume that our family members, employees, and friends know that we believe in them, but that’s not enough. It feels great to hear these words and it also feels great to say them. By expressing our faith in the people we appreciate, we are nurturing the personal and professional relationships that truly enrich our lives. It is our close relationships that will sustain us through the stormy seas of life. Nurture them with gentleness and faith and watch as they provide a healing salve to life’s most difficult challenges.

HOPE
Hope is a beautiful thing and is especially necessary during uncertain times. What brings each of us hope and delight is unique and it is up to each of us to seek it out. Hope doesn’t have to be ethereal or other worldly. In fact, it can best be defined as something as simple as whatever brings a sparkle to our eye or a smile to our face.

“Why don’t we just tell them our names?” --LauraBeth Kulbacki, 4 years old. On how to deal with terrorists who hate a country full of people they don’t know.

The things that bring us hope are all around us all the time. It could be as simple as the smell of hazelnut coffee in the morning, or appreciating the magnificence of the sky at dusk, or having a productive and enjoyable meeting with a client, or feeling amused at the uncontrollable joy your dog feels as you walk through the front door, or sharing a belly laugh with a close friend, or noticing the deafening quiet during an evening snowfall as you head for home, or hearing those magical words “I love you Daddy” as your child wraps their small arms around your neck to kiss you goodnight.

However, hope has an upside and a downside and it is important for us to understand this. On the downside, we cannot possess or control the events that will bring hope into our lives. These events are quite often not predictable and typically last only a moment or two. On the upside, these events are part of an endless stream that will continue throughout our entire life if we are willing to look for them.

The key to becoming a fine connoisseur to that which will bring a sparkle to our eye is to stay alert, have no preconceived expectations, revel in the moment, and then let it go. For example, last night the sunset was beautiful, tonight you were expecting the same, but it’s raining. Last night your child was an angel, tonight you were expecting the same but they’re having a tantrum.

As adults we are often subjected to significant demands at work and at home. It’s very easy to get caught up with it all and lose touch with those events that create hope in our lives. In her book, “Nature – Sense of Wonder,” Rachel Carson captures the challenge that we face as adults:

“A child’s world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us, that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life, as an unfailing antidote against the boredom and disenchantments of later years, the sterile preoccupation with things that are artificial, the alienation from the sources of our strength.”

Let’s remember to look at life through the eyes of a child and recapture that which will bring a sparkle to our eye and a smile to our face. Start looking today and you will surely find it.

LOVE
A few years ago I had an insightful moment that permanently changed the way I viewed love, the holidays, and the act of giving and receiving. A friend of mine challenged me by asking, “Mike, how does it feel to give to others?” Of course, my response to this question was, “It feels great!” He continued, “Well, if giving is such a fulfilling experience, why won’t you let others give to you? Why won’t you give others the opportunity to feel the satisfaction that you just described? You are the one that always picks up the tab.”

It felt like I had been hit over the head with a two-by-four. I instantly thought of the disappointed look on my daughter’s face when I told her that she should not have spent so much money on her Christmas present for me. I had learned a valuable lesson that I would not forget. Giving and receiving are one and the same. It is a law similar to the laws in physics.

The more we give and receive, the more satisfaction we will reap in our personal and professional life - it’s that simple. It is in our nature to give and receive love, and this is true of many other living creatures as well.

Let me give you an example. When I was a small child, I had a dog named Shamus who demonstrated this law beautifully. He was often referred to as that “hairy ball of love.” It was his mission in life to give everybody he met all of his love with as much affection and sloppy licks as he could muster. When he was done giving his love, he would move closer and be still so we could pat him on the head. When he received enough pats on the head, he would roll over on his back to give us the opportunity to scratch his chest and belly. He would even let out a few groans to let us know that we were doing a good job.

Shamus wasn’t giving his love to obligate people to pat him on the head. He simply thrived on giving and receiving love! It was his nature to express both with all of his being. We are designed the same way. It really doesn’t matter what we give, as long as it’s from our heart. So, I’d encourage you to give and receive as much love as you can and then watch as miracles happen in your life.

If we can take time to nurture our relationships, become alert to that which brings a sparkle to our eye, and give and receive lots of love; we will most certainly get through these difficult times together. In closing, perhaps it is best to remember the eloquent and gentle exhortation of Desiderata:

Desiderata,

By Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible without surrenderbe on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to others,even the dull and the ignorant;they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others,you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs;for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantmentit is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,whatever you conceive Him to be,and whatever your labors and aspirations,in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.

Wishing you much faith, hope and love.